


Of Nightmares and Hope

by Leylalia



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: First Kiss, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-09
Updated: 2013-12-09
Packaged: 2018-01-03 12:01:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1070240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leylalia/pseuds/Leylalia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"…I also have nightmares. We both went through a lot."<br/>"You think we're alike? You still think that?", the Winter Soldier asked.</p><p>((I blame framesonthewall for this one since I had to think about Stucky because of her advent calendar stories.))</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Nightmares and Hope

The moonlight shone into the otherwise dark room as Bucky walked through it, again and again the same path, a pained expression on his face and his hands balled into tight fists.  
"...Bucky?"  
The Winter Soldier whirled around with wide eyes, staring at the door where Steve was leaning, tiredness written all over his face.  
"What happened?", the captain asked and rubbed his eyes, looking worriedly at his best friend. "Nightmares?"  
  
Bucky just huffed and nodded, looking to the side. "Just go back to sleep.", he stated but Steve shook his head and came closer. "I don't mind staying here. You wanna talk about it?"  
That just gave him a glare from the Winter Soldier and an exasperated sigh, followed by him rubbing his metal hand over his forehead. "That won't make it better."  
  
"Are you sure? I know the feeling. I also-"  
"You *what*, Steve?", the brunette hissed.  
Steve blinked startledly at that reaction. "…I also have nightmares. We both went through a lot."  
"You think we're alike? You still think that?", the Winter Soldier asked and frowned unhappily, coming closer. "That we're alike? Because we're out of the same time?"  
"And we both came back not long ago.", Steve added and nodded.  
The laugh Bucky let out was cold and unhappy. "You mean because you slept, because you were in the ice you're like me? Tell me, did you have nightmares in the ice? Did you feel the cold seeping through your bones?"  
  
Steve hesitated, seeming like he wasn't sure what to think of this.  
"I felt the cold, I still feel it. But the nightmares started after I woke up."  
Bucky nodded. "I thought so.", he sighed.  
  
"What do you mean?", Steve inquired further.  
"I had nightmares.", the Winter Soldier answered shortly and turned back to the window, staring out of it into the dark of night. "Nightmares, dreams of the cold, pulling all the good things out of my body, the light, the hope.", he murmured and Steve looked worriedly at him but kept standing where he was. Bucky wouldn't like him coming closer now.  
  
"Worst thing is that I never knew who I was…and when I started to know again- thanks to you-" Steve thought it sounded sad and bitter, "I realized that all hadn't been a nightmare but the truth. Every little, bloody detail, every murder and death, every stab with a knife, every shot with a rifle, everyone who fell through my hand…all true, nothing just a dream. All because of me. And that's what I remember now.", Bucky ended and looked at his best friend. "That's what makes me who I am now…no matter how much I don't want it." He shivered like the room was as cold as the Russian winter and Steve just wanted to make him feel better.  
   
  
" **Don't** tell me it wasn't me. Don't tell me it wasn't my fault. **No**.", Bucky added when he saw Steve opening his mouth to object. The captain closed his mouth again with a frown, watching him, hoping to get an explanation.  
"You KNOW it's true, that it was all through my hand. And even when they controlled me, does that make it better?"  
  
Steve was quiet and watched him, still worried, not sure what to say.  
Bucky just shook his head and grew quiet again, glancing out of the window.  
  
He tensed when he heard his best friend's footsteps come closer and stop right next to him. "I still want to make you feel better, Buck. In any way I can.", Steve whispered and Bucky bit his lip, shaking his head. "I don't think you can…' don't think you will." This was ridiculous, anyway.  
  
With a frown Steve got in front of Bucky and stroked over his cheek, feeling the cold skin under his fingertips. Bucky stood still, not showing how surprised he was, but not pulling away either. "Steve...", he murmured and Steve just smiled faintly and let his fingers wander to his chin, lifting it up. He was nervous, not sure how Bucky would react, but he had to try it.  
"Maybe you're right. Maybe I don't understand it, maybe we're different despite having nightmares about war and cold and ice, about death and loss and the new age, but- …that doesn't stop me from being there for you, Bucky, from trying to help you. No matter how."  
  
"If you do this just to help me, then you can-", the next words escapting Bucky's lips were caught by Steve's mouth as warm lips pressed onto his.  
"I don't just do it because of that. You're the most important person in my life, always have been through all those years.", Steve whispered and smiled faintly at the Winter Soldier who still stood there without moving, not sure what to do. "I do this because I want to…because I wanted to do this for a long, long time.", he added and pulled Bucky close.  
  
It took some time but then Bucky grabbed Steve's shirt, held him close and kissed him hungrily, desperately, and for the first time for years he felt warm, warm from the inside, in his heart, where hope began to bloom, and on his lips where Steve's mouth pressed onto his own, showing him that maybe there was still somewhere a good part in him that Steve had found for him. And that made up for everything bad...


End file.
